Opinion Editorials, November 2010

Report by the Fly on the Wall in the Meeting Between Bibi and Hillary

By Adam Keller

Gush Shalom, Al-Jazeerah, CCUN, November 22, 2010

 
- (...) Well, Bibi, it is nice to exchange reminiscences of how you and Bill came to blows in the Oval Office, but we should move forward. The President returns from Indonesia next week and he wants results.

- I told you I am ready to freeze again, even though it makes me feel sick, and it will give me a lot of trouble. But I must have a nice package, tied with a ribbon, to show to the cabinet ministers. The stealth aircraft sound very good, though we will not get them in time for the bombing of Tehran...

- How many times do we have to tell you not to hurry up about Iran? We have enough problems in Iraq and Afghanistan. The last thing we need now is another war, more American soldiers returning in coffins.

- How many times have I told you that this (cussing) Ahmadinejad is a danger to the whole world? We must land him a blow on the head with a big club.

 - Yes, I know, I know. Ahmadinejad is Hitler and you are Winston Churchill and it is now the year 1938. But you're not speaking in a public meeting now. Let's get back to the issues, I told you we don't have much time. What about East Jerusalem? You know we need to have something for Abu Mazen and Salam Fayyad. They, too, have an opposition at home.

- Well, I told you that about Jerusalem I can't say anything in public. We will just continue as in the previous freeze. It worked out fine, didn't it? My Chief of Staff sits on the tap, no building tenders in Jerusalem. Not even in West Jerusalem.

- Except for one or two tenders which did get issued, at the worst possible moment. There was such a big outcry, everything nearly blew up in our faces…

- What can I do, you know that our Interior Ministry is in the hands of the Shas Party, and they are accountable only to God and to Rabbi Ovadia Yosef.

- Sometimes I think that Rabbi Ovadia is your true Head of State. Maybe you can once upon a time send him here, let us talk directly to him?

- Sorry, he is an old man and doesn't like flying. But I must have a document that I can show him, regarding Jerusalem. Just a bit of lip service, I must have it.

- A written document is a bit problematic. But we'll see what can be done. And what do you say about the borders? Can you start negotiations, for real, not like it had been until now? And to sum it up in three months, to really define the borders of the Palestinian state?

- Mmm ... yeah, maybe, I hope we can. (Whispering) Three months is a long time.
- So we are agreed?

- Yes, more or less. We will see. In about a week. (Whispering) Even a week's delay is not nothing.

***

The Scorpion and the Frog

"Ferry me across the river, please" said the scorpion to the frog.

"But how can I know that you will not sting me when we are halfway across?" asked the frog.

"Why should I sting you? Am I crazy?" answered the scorpion.

The frog was convinced, put the scorpion on her back and set off. But when they were in the deepest part of the river, the scorpion stung her. "Why did you do that?" cried the frog. "Sorry, that's my nature" replied the scorpion.

"Invite me to America to talk about resuming negotiations," said Netanyahu  to Obama and Hillary Clinton.

"But how can we know that you will not announce a settlement construction plan just as you are in the meeting with us?" asked  the Americans.

"Why should I make such announcements? Am I crazy" answered Netanyahu.

The Americans were convinced and invited Netanyahu. But when they were together at the  conference in New Orleans, Netanyahu's officials suddenly announced the construction of thousands of housing units in East Jerusalem.

"Why did you do that?" cried Vice President Joe Biden.

"Sorry, that's...

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